Posted by: annabanana210 | October 3, 2011

No one asked me…

As usual, people think they have me all figured out. A couple of weeks ago, I said I liked a t-shirt (can’t find the link on Target.com), and the two stank-ass people at the table looked at me perplexed saying that I couldn’t possibly like this shirt because it had a four-letter word on it : LOVE.

I had to sigh and roll my eyes at this.  I don’t have a problem with love.  It’s just something I’ve yet to figure out, especially how it fits in my stratosphere.

How can I begin to understand a concept that is both a noun and a verb? You fall into it and you fall out of it.  You need it, you want it, you’re denied it, you can’t live without it.  It’s a many-splendored thing, it makes the world go ’round, it changes everything…it’s definitely one of the top (if not the top) reasons that people write songs. It’s so complicated that I think that it’s easy to solve quadratic equations than figure it out; there are too many variables where love is concerned.  Too many conditions, too many clauses.

Love to me is just like anything else I have in my life; I have to wonder why others are so opinionated on how it fits into my life.  Sure love for me hasn’t worked out for me the way that I would have hoped, but I haven’t given up on it–at least not totally.

I guess they’re only assuming how I feel about love.  No one asked me how I feel about love. Don’t worry, like most things, my opinion of it changes constantly.  Though sometimes I feel I should, I haven’t given up on the possibility of love in my life.  I still appreciate that people can forge a relationship with another person and be partners, lovers and friends.  I just feel that I have to be cautious (as everyone should be), with who I decide to share myself with.

Once, I asked my mother if she was more afraid when she had me or my younger sister. Without blinking she easily answered that she was more afraid having my sister.  With me, I was the first and she had no idea of what to expect.  After my arrival, she had an idea of how it could go, what could go wrong and that frightened her.

I’ve already had the ultimate in failed relationships, I remember it well, and knowing that another relationship could fail intimidates me.  Cliche I know, but it’s true.

Not too long ago, I came across this wonderful quote on love:

“The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.” Rick Warren said this months ago on Twitter.  I’m totally baffled by that statement. I can’t complain about it, can’t question it, and I actually agree with it.  Although I may change ‘love’ and ‘time’, it still stands to reason that ‘the best time to love is now’. Even if it’s for a short time, it’s better than not loving at all.


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